Didn't we marvel as he scraped through the first round, beating a wheelchair-bound stroke victim before stirring our hopes up further with a seamingly easy draw in the second. By this time the nation was once again in the grip of Henmania and as the hour approached, Henman-Hill was awash with mad women and students alike, screaming that 'This is the year!!!' and no way would we once again witness his outstretched, forlorn form flopping miserably to the fucking grass as ace after ace was fired past him.... so much for fucking optimism.
Anyway, now that it's all over, I think it's important to look at how Tim prepares himself for these gruelling batterings.
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1 - The Look Of Shame:
A pre-requesite for every match. Ideal when being drubbed by opponent or when having just played a shot a two year old would have been ashamed to have hit. Takes years of practice to reach its grimacing best.
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2 - Divine Intervention:
The demand for assistance from God himself. A Henman classic. Used when all else has invariably failed.
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3 - Dispair:
Essential for the end of the match. Used to gain sympathetic applause and to duck missiles hurled by enraged onlookers.
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4 - On Guard:
Peculiar fencing stance used to no great effect. Note how the ball whizzes past his ear.
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5 - Celebration:
Used once he hears Greg Rusedski has been knocked out before him.
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